(Yes, people have actually asked us these things!)

Do you guys have an indie rock section?
Someone actually asked this once after looking around for 20 minutes.
We’re not sure what he meant by indie rock. We only have 2 sections: New and Used

Is the chalkboard new?
(Asked by someone who had been in the store at least 30 times.)
No, it’s not new. It’s been there since we opened.

Are you open right now (while standing in store)?
If you are standing in the store, we are open.

What is this place called?
Look, we spent a lot of money on that giant neon sign. PLEASE READ IT.

Where am I right now?
Uh, I'm not exactly sure how to answer that.

Do you have Christian music?
Only if you count Sufjan.

Are those NEW records?
Yes, welcome to 2011.

Do you have a bathroom?
Nope. We don't believe in bathrooms.

How do we get out [of here]?
Uhh... PULL!

When did you start opening at TWO??
We've opened at 2pm, Tuesday through Friday, ever since we first opened, in July 2004.
ADDENDUM: We changed our hours! Now we open at NOON! It took 6.5 years to make that happen, though.

Can I speak to your manager or buyer?
Umm, I guess that's me.

How long have you worked here (asked of Melanie or Kevin)?
Well, since before we opened.

Can I take the cat home with me/How much for the cat?
Sadly, no/1 miiiiilion dollars

Is the cat pregnant?
You'd be fat too if you did nothing but sit around and listen to records all day.

Does the cat ever pee on the records?
Now, if she did, do you really think we'd tell you?

Can my unknown band from another city who doesn’t have an album out play an in-store?
No, sorry. We are not a Virgin Mega-store with tons of people in and out all day long.
If the name of your band is Artie Fufkin and the Ass-Kickers, we might consider it.

Can I get a tattoo here?
Yeah, sure, just let me grab this here safety pin and crack open a pen.

Can I get to the Beachland office/basement from here?
Uh, our buildings aren't connected... but we'll let you know when the underground tunnel is complete.

Is this the Beachland Ballroom (asked by a guy going to a show there)?

Is this all oldies music?
WHAT?! You're kidding, right? RIGHT?!